04 June, 2022.
Good afternoon, World.
I said I would write every other day but that can prove challenging when you have bouts of high-energy you committing to activities low-energy you cannot achieve.
Today’s song is Built for Love by PJ Morton and Jazmine Sullivan. Listen to it with me.
It’s 1609 where I am, my neighbour’s cat basking in the afternoon sun stretched across the alfresco table. We have a jazzy groove going, leftovers in the fridge ready for dinner, fresh brownies on the counter. My Saturday could not go better.
Before June started I made a plan. I was going to religiously calculate my expenses, learn a new dish every week, implement some monthly and daily goals. I’m trying to be more disciplined with myself. I have to. I have been letting myself coast through life with no direction for far too long. I have rested guiltily, sinfully, figure it’s time to do something about it.
Big goals scare me, for no other reason than if I should fail. I suppose we change the way we look at things. There’s an excerpt I really like from a book, scares me so. It’s in the Manuscript Found in Accra by Paulo Coelho,
“There are people who have never been defeated, they are the ones who never fought. They managed to avoid scars, humiliation, feelings of helplessness… they feel safe because they do not have to deal with the daily challenges faced by those who risk stepping out beyond their boundaries… In the silence of the night, they fight their imaginary battles: their unrealised dreams, the injustices to which they turned a blind eye, the moments of cowardice they managed to conceal from other people — but not from themselves — and the love that crossed their path with a sparkle in its eyes, the love God had intended for them, but which they lacked the courage to embrace”.
It’s a long one but I love it so.
I am going to fail. A few times. Bigly. But I don’t want to live a life safe and unfulfilled, though the two are mutually exclusive. As Mr. Coelho compares defeat and failure as scars of nature and finality, “Defeat is for those who, despite their fears, live with enthusiasm and faith.” It’s probably best we took some action.
The cat is scratching herself now, fur floating off her like dandelion seeds, across my screen. She is oblivious to the anxiety building inside me; the voice in my head that is going, ‘no more excuses’, ‘take action now’, ‘be accountable to your ambitions!’, ‘but where do I start?’. She yawns.
This month, I promised to read more, meditate more, keep up with my errands — no more convenience disguised as self neglect. My reminder for June is Joe Dispenza’s personality = personal reality philosophy. It goes, if your personal reality is creating your personality, you are a victim. If your personality is creating your personal reality, then you are a creator.
I’m 24 this year. I’m young. There’s still time even if it feels like my best years are about to be behind me. People achieve great things at all stages of life. I simply do not want to leave it to my last, do not want to waste potential — oh the things I could do and the experiences I would have! So could you.
The self-help industry can be pretty damning, don’t you think. There are an overwhelming number of books, videos, lessons on how to lead the best version of you, your best life. Try not to get stuck in the loop of trying to “fix” and “better” yourself. If it’s not broken, you know? I reckon choose wisely what you absorb, there’s no need to obsess over self-improvement, allow yourself some space to breathe as you go about your process.
She leaps on to the ledge that leads out the gates. Balanced, poised. Off she goes, and so shall I.
